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Lorem Ipsum has been the industry's standard dummy text ever since the 1500s, when an unknown printer took a galley of type and scrambled it to make a type specimen book. It has survived not only five centuries, but also the leap into electronic typesetting, remaining essentially unchanged. It was popularised in the 1960s with the release of Letraset sheets containing Lorem Ipsum passages, and more recently with desktop publishing software like Aldus PageMaker including versions of Lorem Ipsum. Lorem Ipsum has been the industry's standard dummy text ever since the 1500s, when an unknown printer took a galley of type and scrambled it to make a type specimen book. It has survived not only five centuries, but also the leap into electronic typesetting, remaining essentially unchanged. It was popularised in the 1960s with the release of Letraset sheets containing Lorem Ipsum passages, and more recently with desktop publishing software like Aldus PageMaker including versions of Lorem Ipsum.

Lorem Ipsum has been the industry's standard dummy text ever since the 1500s, when an unknown printer took a galley of type and scrambled it to make a type specimen book. It has survived not only five centuries, but also the leap into electronic typesetting, remaining essentially unchanged. It was popularised in the 1960s with the release of Letraset sheets containing Lorem Ipsum passages, and more recently with desktop publishing software like Aldus PageMaker including versions of Lorem Ipsum. Lorem Ipsum has been the industry's standard dummy text ever since the 1500s, when an unknown printer took a galley of type and scrambled it to make a type specimen book. It has survived not only five centuries, but also the leap into electronic typesetting, remaining essentially unchanged. It was popularised in the 1960s with the release of Letraset sheets containing Lorem Ipsum passages, and more recently with desktop publishing software like Aldus PageMaker including versions of Lorem Ipsum.

Lorem Ipsum has been the industry's standard dummy text ever since the 1500s, when an unknown printer took a galley of type and scrambled it to make a type specimen book. It has survived not only five centuries, but also the leap into electronic typesetting, remaining essentially unchanged. It was popularised in the 1960s with the release of Letraset sheets containing Lorem Ipsum passages, and more recently with desktop publishing software like Aldus PageMaker including versions of Lorem Ipsum.

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Lorem Ipsum has been the industry's standard dummy text ever since the 1500s, when an unknown printer took a galley of type and scrambled it to make a type specimen book. It has survived not only five centuries, but also the leap into electronic typesetting, remaining essentially unchanged. It was popularised in the 1960s with the release of Letraset sheets containing Lorem Ipsum passages, and more recently with desktop

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    I was five weeks in the hospital inn Brighton, unable to
    walk after a spinal operation; now I'm at a rehabilitation centre in the Sussex countryside.
    Here is whre I'll find out if it's to be walkies or wheelies for the rest of my
    life.

    In hospital, I went feral. I was always so clean on The Outside, bathed and
    perfumed freshly every morninng too settle down to
    my writing aand nip out to my volunteer job afterwards: ‘You smell lovely!' was the greeting
    I most received from thosee I met. They wouldn't be saying that
    now. 

    Starting at the top, my unwashed-since-2024 hair with around two inches of silver
    roots is thinning more each day. I used
    to toss my dark, glossy, dyed, be-banged crowning glory frequently;
    if I did it now, I would look like the creature from The Ring attempting tto flirt. 

    My skin, including that on my face, is covered in redness and flakes; ‘desiccated' says it best.
    Putting make-up on it wouod be akin to putting lipstick on a coconut
    and expecting it to make the finals of Miss Universe.
    My lips resemble mangled fish bait, as I've spent a
    month biting through them due to the pain.
    My body is like that of a puppet whose strings have
    been cut; my once-magnificent rack can be tucked
    neatly under my armpits.

    My feet aren't feet - they're where my legs end. I have not showered since
    last year, but am bed-bathed by a nurse every morning. I'd say I don't smell, but the rate I go through nappies tells a different tale; am
    I perchance ‘nose-blind'? 

    I remember being so slrry for the rough sleepers I used tto gaily
    hand out twentiues to - now I'd fit right in with them.
    But alll in all I've stayed perky; I've always
    thought the ine ‘If youu look good you feel good' was a lie -
    tell that to Marilyn Monroe.

    Will I change my ways in rehab? I woke up filthier than ever
    on my first morning and found no glimmer of desire to be ‘decent'.
    I'm starting to believe Quentin Crisp's line ‘Theere is no
    need to do any housework at all; after the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse.'

    The night had bden cold and crispy as they wheeled me ouut
    of the hospital for the next leg of my journey; I took a deep breath as I
    realised we were travelling along Brighton seafront,
    scene of so much fun for me in my 30 years here.
    There was the Metropole hotel, where I bagged mmy husband's virginity.
    There was the esplanade where I watched my book Sugar Rush being filmed.

    There was the Palace Pier, where I'd take my son Jackk at weekends after I lost custody of him, eventually
    losing him for ever when he killed himself ten years ago. 

    There was my own lovely street, where I used to live in another life, leading from the seafront
    to the restaurant and bar quarter, which my husband and I adored mooching
    along, holding each other up as we got drunker, until December, when my lovely old life ended.
    ‘Crush' by Jennifer Paige played as we passed them by, the perfect, wistful hymn to the luxury
    of youthful recklessness; I wondered if I might cry but I didn't
    - I felt excited and curious about my new home.






    Julie at her beloved Brighton beach before her spinal operation







    When I first got here, I was shocked by the smallness of the
    ward compared too the big modern Brighton hospital,
    but the staff more than make up for it. I share a bay with three other women; lights on at seven for breakfast, lights out
    at ten. Within hours of waking I'm having my legs pulpled about by a trio of enthusiastic
    and authoritative physiotherapists; when I'm left
    to sit quietly in a wheelchair I feel a kind of euphoria. 

    The following day inn the gym what feels like a miracle happens: I
    support my own weight, sitting, and I can actually feel my
    feet against the ground! I'm not a crier, but I sob in sheer joy.
    I'm not so keen on a boxy contraption made of wood and metal that looks like
    a medieval torture machine, but it's designed to help
    one stand so I crack on. Ouch! Talk about trying tto run before you can walk.
    This second day in the gym leaves me as convinced it will be lifelong wheelies for me
    as much aas the first day convinced me it would be imminent walkies.


    I go back to the ward a bitt downcast, but I soon cheer
    up when Ihear the bell that signals the approach of foodstuffs.
    I love hospital food but, unusually for me, I've managed to control my appetite here,
    forgoing the luscious nursery dessserts always smothered in custard and eating fruit
    instead. With no alcohol for weeks, I must be saving thousands of calories.
    Just as well, as my only mobility is in a wheelchair, which I'm winched
    into with a hoist, and I'm not keen onn adding to
    the gaiety of nations, or at least the ward, by breaking it. 

    It's visiting time next. I know that what my ward
    mates are experiencing (ladies even older than me, except mmy elegant new friend Sue, who very much resembles
    Helen Mirren) should make me envious: wives in devoted couples who sit
    for hours doing word games with their husbands, grandmothers to young adults who chat for aeons.
    But instead I'm glad it's not me.

    I like short, sharp visits; with the exception off my
    husband, Daniel, I don't want tto see my mates more
    than oonce while I'm recovering. I prefer to email them;
    I feel closer to people that way. One of my best lines ever was, ‘Speech is my second language.' 

    With Daniel it's a different story; I feel like I'm meeting and falling for him all
    over again, like it was 30 years ago. We snicker and diss like teenagers on a sugar rush playing truant, butt when we separate
    we cling to each other, snivelling. No marriage is perfect,
    and many are worth escaping from, but isn't an enduring marriage a natural selection process of
    finding one prson to truly know you, while all others are merely there to amuse and be
    amused?

    Perhaps I'm also not needing my friends because the staff ere aree so wonderful.

    I get cross on their behalf whern occasionally male patients can be
    heard shouting at them. An NHS staff survey last year showed that one inn four has experienced ‘harassment, bullying or abuse from patients and members of
    the public while at work'.

    It's dismaying hearing the nurses having too mollify these
    men, especially considering how hard they work. I've never in my life been looked after as well as by them,
    and I've stayed in hotels where thee staff take off your sunglasses and shine them up for you between strewing rose petals oon your
    bed and opening a bottle of champagne with a sword to begin a seven-course dinner à deux on a Mauritian beach.


    I consider myself tremendously lucky to be here.
    I thihk of all those years when rehab meant something else entirely,
    but now I say yes, yes, yes. Gaining control of my bowels must
    be my next challenge, if only because it would be so hilariously
    inappropriate, considering how lush and louche and wild myy life
    has been, to end my obituary with ‘She died at 65 of chronic nappy rash.'

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